that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize