Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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