I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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