Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
