So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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