5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
This is classic penis vs brain.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
