We won't sleep together?
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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