whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
