Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
