You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
