Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
