Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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