Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
