end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
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