I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
