Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I currently don't understand fingers.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize