on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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