he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
where are my eyebrows?
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