Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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