not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just found puke in my bra..
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
this is an emotional support booty call
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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