The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize