My girlfriend figured out who you are.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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