i jhust puked up my retainher.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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