hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
