How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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