I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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