I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
