Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
