No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
