i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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