I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
