I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Come on in and take your pants off
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