I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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