I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Help. Why am I so naked?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
