i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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