Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize