they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
