I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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