This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
