The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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