just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
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