Betty ford says i'm here all night
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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