Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Too much gin, very little bucket
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It's blow job season.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
