Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
