I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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