after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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