Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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