Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
