Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
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