nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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