see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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