great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
