What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
