it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
