do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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