How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
