You're completely useless in the revolution.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
