paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Do you have feelings for this penis?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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