i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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