omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
