I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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