I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
