it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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