I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
